my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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