I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Randomize
