Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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