remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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