I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
