Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
