Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
