You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
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