I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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