Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
