It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
