mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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