How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
