it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
