I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
