I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
