Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
We need to rekindle our bromance
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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