glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well I just put wine in my tea
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
