i think i have two assholes
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
