smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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