Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
