it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
