So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
