grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
