I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
