he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
