u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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