and you said cock pushups were impossible
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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