It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
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