Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have tasted many bathrooms
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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