it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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