Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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