ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
