well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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