She's JV to your varsity
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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