i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
