You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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