Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
