I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
