I wish I could punch you in the face.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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