I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
