so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you didnt know i had herpes?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize
