i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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