On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
