When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
