On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
