no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
