No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
