Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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