That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
