Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
